What would make it the best?

HE asked me if I was frustrated. My reply was "aren't I most days?!?!?!" He replied with "I thot your world was getting better." I asked him why he would think that. He told me that it was because I have a job I like, I'm moving to a new place, my debt is under control. I really couldn't respond. I told him that I agreed, my life is pretty good, but it's not the best.

His response to that was "What would make it the best?" I asked him if anyone was ever completely happy with their life. His response was that he is. He has everything he needs, including depressed/pissed friends." Again I couldn't respond. I finally told him that I knew things could be so much worse but that my life was OK. However, I did tell him that I know that I am in charge of my own destiny. He asked if I wanted to expound on it. I told him no. I said that this time I was going to keep things to myself.

I know I should be happy with what I have in my life right now. But there are SO MANY "things" that are missing from my life. The biggest, most important one is that special SOMEONE to love me for me. Someone to be there every time that I need them, not just when it's convenient for them. Someone to hold me in moments like this. Someone that shares my joys and my sorrows and doesn't feel that I'm smothering them because I want to be with him or in touch with him all of the time.

I'm glad he thinks he's happy with his life. That's what matters I guess, but I don't believe it. I've said it before. If he was truly happy with his life and has truly moved forward from what has happened, his bitterness would not come out like it does. He wouldn't let THOSE people get under his skin the way they do. He wouldn't be so quick to speak so evilly about them so easily.

I KNOW that I am far too forgiving of people. I am far too naive about the world. I have a much too Pollyanna-type outlook on life, but is that the reason I'm so very much alone? Is that the reason that no one special loves me? If that's the case I want to die. Why keep living if this is what life has in-store for me?

In the next life, I want to come back as a lying, conniving, evil bitch. From what I've seen and experienced they get everything they need and want.