The way I feel today, that attitude has carried over into today.
I feel like shit. No... I'm not feeling sick, I just feel like I don't matter... anywhere! And I'm feeling the hurt today.
In my family, I don't feel like I'm important enough to be kept in the loop on things. I never hear anything first hand from my sister about her family. I only ever hear it from my Mom and sometimes I only ever learn about it on Facebook or some other impersonal way.
With my S.O., he loves me (or so he says) but I feel like I'm not important enough to really make a commitment to me. He's still so hung up on his past life, that he won't let it go and give a life of us truly together a shot. I thought for a while that I was OK with the amount of commitment he was willing to give, but I'm seeing now that feels like a lack of respect for me and our relationship.
At work, I feel like I'm really insignificant and almost useless. I know this isn't true because there are things that I do that one else does, but somebody could learn if they needed to. I'm included but not included. I'm expected to know about things, but no one thinks it's necessary to include me on the front end. I'm just expected to be able to give them the information they're looking for.
I am so frustrated right now and generally I'm quite happy with my job. I just feel like I have in so many places...I feel good and then I get the slats knocked out from underneath my feet. It's like I getting to acting to cocky and something happens to put me back in my place.
I guess I'm just feeling very unappreciated these days. I work hard, love my family and friends. I would do anything for anyone but I don't feel like I get as much as I put into things. I know that is a very selfish approach, but dammit, I think that sometimes I'm allowed to feel selfish. And so what. No one that really matters will ever see this anyway.
It's really just a big pity party today.
