We are fast approaching a date that I would much rather forget. Very much like March 5, 2005, it is a day that forever changed my life, but in the opposite way.
March 5, 2005 is the day that I met Him. It didn’t take long, but soon my life was all about Him. I wanted to be with Him every minute of the day, and we were together as much as possible when we weren’t working. Even when we were at work we seemed to be in constant communication via email, text messaging and phone calls. I honestly thought that I was deeply and madly in love. I honestly thought that He was the one I wanted to marry and spend the rest of my life with. HA! HA! HA! HA! I realize now, now that there has been some distance and time between us, that I was in love with the idea that someone wanted to be with me.
May 23, 2006 was the day my life began to crash in around me. Although I didn’t see it immediately, that was the first night that I know He was with someone else. He will never admit it to me, but as the few years have gone by, I can see now that that is where He was. It was a few days later that the final blow came and I have been on my own since then.
Yes, there have been times when we were close and intimate again, but I’ve never been the “only” one in His life again. The truth is I don’t think that I ever really was. I couldn’t be the only one in his life when we first met because he was just starting what turned out to be a very ugly divorce process. I think there was still a small glimmer of hope that something might be mended with the ex. As he became more comfortable with the fact that he was no longer married (or going to be) he became even more flirtatious with other females. Then by the time we had been together a year I was slowly becoming less and less central in his life.
I honestly wish my memory wasn’t so good. Although I will forever be grateful for the time that we did have, I wish I could forget specifics and dates. Not only specifics surrounding this relationship, but a lot of things in my life. Most people think that a good memory is a gift; however, if they had ever lived in my mind for a few days, they would see that it is not always a blessing. At times like this it is a horrible, painful curse.
