It was there once

I've finally realized that you are not the one that I want to be my one and only. The reason for this is that I can't handle your negativity, and of course the fact that you don't feel the same.

But looking back at the beginning of our relationship, I see that it was there for both of us at one point. You were once as emotionally bound to me as I was to you. The prime example was the weekend that I went to New York. I felt so connected to you and I know what from you said to me in our phone calls that you felt very close and connected to me.

The day that you cried on the phone after telling me about your DUI, I know you cared and loved me. Or at least I think you did. It just hit me, that I think it was your fear coming out again. You were still in a fragile emotional and mental state at that time. I think now, that rather than feeling emotion toward me specifically, you were simply afraid that you had failed another person.

WOW! I'm glad I just wrote this. I've been romanticizing that day in my mind for 4-1/2 years now. Now I can wipe that away and know that it was more about you and your fears than it was about your feelings for me.

You never did have highly emotional feelings for me.

WOW! REALITY CHECK! What a rush.