We're Almost There!

We've almost made it.  That day that I knew would come, when I posted on March 15, 2012.  He will be done on Thursday!!!!!  I am so ready for this to be done.  It has been so painful and stressful, in more ways than anyone would ever understand.  I think the hardest part has been the hiding and the lying.  I haven't been able to tell anyone other than a couple of select people and having to cover it all up has really been hard.

No more lying.  If anything else should ever happen, I won't cover it up.  I can't do it again!

I'm JUST the aunt

It just sunk in with me... I'm JUST the  aunt.

I'm not the Mom, the Grandma or any of those.  As much as my family might love me, I'm JUST the aunt.  No matter how much I bend over backwards or try to be an integral part of the kid's life, I'm JUST the aunt.  I'm not quite as important as Mom, Dad, Grandma & Grandpa.  I'm JUST the aunt.

If you see fit, let me know at the last minute what your plans are and I'll be sure to drop what I have planned and be there.  After all... I'm JUST the aunt and my life outside of all of you isn't important.  Oh.. and by all means... be sure to expect me to be there even if you don't fill me in.  I love last minute calls saying "Oh... didn't we tell you!"  And don't forget to make last minute changes to your plans knowing that I'm planning to come and visit with you, to spend a few quality minutes with you.  After all, I'm JUST the aunt.

And as far as sharing news with me, that's ok... I'll settle for getting everything second-hand.  After all, I'm JUST the aunt.  I don't want to hear from the Mom about how the kid did so well at the soccer game or that the kid was and excellent student.  I'll settle for getting all of my news from the Grandma.  After all, I'm JUST the aunt.  I'm not important enough for any of that.

Love,

the aunt

Oops!

WOW! Reading back through the posts on this blog, I'm thinking it wasn't such a good idea today. There is a lot of emotion in these posts and it's making me more teary and emotional than I already was today.

Worst Day in a VERY Long Time!

This has got to be the worst day I've had in a very, very long time.

I had to take my partner to county detention this morning to start serving his 9 months of court ordered jail time and work release for being arrested on his THIRD DUI since 2005. We've known this was coming for quite a while, but the specific date was not determined until last week.....MARCH 15, 2012 @ 8 a.m.

We had a sorry night last night. He ended working until about 9 p.m. so if was nearly 10 p.m. when he got home. There was still paperwork to be filled out and things to be done. I had hoped we'd be able to sit and spend some time together. Didn't happen. I had to go to bed because I still had to come in to work after I took him in, so I needed to get some sleep. HA! HA! He snored horribly when he came to bed. I had dreams all night that bothered me. So much for getting some rest.

When we got up this morning I thought maybe we could spend a few minutes of just holding each other. Well, Mr. OCD had so many things to take care of before we left that this never happened either. REALLY? You couldn't leave the trash for me just this one time? I would have been ok with it. I've lived alone for a lot of years. It's not my favorite thing but I can take care of it. "I was doing you a favor so you didn't have to deal with it." Was his statement.

We live about 20-30 minutes from the detention center. At 7:50 a.m. I finally got tired and anxious and snarky. "It was 8:00 am. and not 8:00 p.m right?" I said calmly. "That was facetious." He replied...and it was all down hill from there. We argued and I cried all the way to the detention center. I was teary the whole time we sat waiting for the officer in charge.

Once his belongings were bagged, he was taken over to a corner of the room, searched and cuffed. I was told by the officer that there was no reason I should wait and that he would be in contact. They lead him down to the cells and I left the jail. So much for a loving, peaceful Good-bye to the man I love.

I know that I WILL see him again in a few days. I have to pick him up at the jail to get him to the lightrail for work. But this particular separation has just stabbed me in the heart. You'd think after 50 years I'd have learned not to have any expectations of how things will play out...especially if they are the least bit romanticized.

Oh well, 275 days and this will be done. I can do this. I just don't know if I can hold it together.