I Hate Days Like This...

Days like today really suck.  Every time I turn around I'm annoyed by something and I'm continually thinking of what I don't have, what I haven't gotten to do, or what I'm not going to get to do.

Here's what getting me right now...

1.  I don't have a group of friends to go places with.  Here's what I mean:  On an episode of Pioneer Woman  that I've seen a few times, she has a group of women that she went to school with. Every year they all get together for the weekend and have fun together.  I don't have that.  Another example: And this is why Facebook sucks - I saw that a some of the ladies I know got together (they all grew up together in a small town) and went on a trip to Nashville together.  I would love to do that.  The third example:  One of my friends just attended an annual weekend trip with some ladies that she used to work with.  They've done this for years and have a great time.  I don't have that.

2.  I'm tired of being overlooked or taken for granted.  Here's what I mean by this:  I feel like I'm not truly important to anyone...yes... Him included.  This is going to sound petty and stupid to most people, but try to see it through my eyes.  It's stupid things like the fact that my sister and brother-in-law got a puppy and surprised my nephew with it.  How did I find out about it?  Like the rest of her world... through a Facebook picture.  How often do I talk to my sister?  I don't know... let me check MY phone records and see when I called her.  How do I hear about what's going on in their lives?  Through my mom IF she remembers to tell me about it.

3.  I can't share what makes me happy with anyone. He doesn't like kids.  He doesn't like holidays.  He doesn't like parties.  He doesn't like so many of the things like I like.  So why am I so drawn to him.  This sounds horrible, but I think it's because I'm 51 years old and he's the only man that has ever loved me for me.  I just feel like I give and give and give and I have to suppress what I need and/or want.  I'm to the point where, although I want him with me at parties and holiday events, it's just easier to go back to doing these things alone.  Then I don't have to worry about how miserable he is at the event.

There is so much I could go on about.  I just don't have the words to say it all and I already have tears in my eyes.  I really don't want to sit here at my desk and cry all day.